The 28 year update

This year has felt, in a very concrete way, like a new chapter in my life. There’s plenty I could say about the practical side of life, but instead I want to focus on the non-tangible aspects of the year.

What stands out at 28 is how much of the past year I’ve lived guided by energy.

I've been following what feels right in the gut, trying to stay attuned to what the world is trying to "say", doubling down when things feel too synchronistic to be random, and driving to be more deeply in touch with my own emotional state.

There was a not-so-short period in 2024 where I was seriously contemplating whether the world was entirely deterministic or not. Whether we as humans had any real agency, and if I, or my decisions, mattered.

See, I’ve spent much of my life operating with a tight grip on outcomes. If there was something I wanted, I could will it into existence. And to a degree, that worked. My childhood is scattered with esoteric interests I chased to the nth degree until I eventually burned the thread.

The challenge with living that way is that it's, in a way, disconnected from the body and the world. Work becomes pure execution, a kind of detachment from reality. I could love the practice, but the experience lacked presence.

When things go well, it is easy to ignore that disconnect and chalk it up as the cost of success. But when things go less than well, the questions get louder: "Why am I doing all of this?", "Is all this self-inflicted pain worth it?", "Do I actually have the ability to change outcomes, or am I just moving along some predetermined path?"

They're harrowing thoughts.

At the end of it, I didn't come to any grand conclusions about how the universe worked. But, I did realize I needed to spend more time getting in touch with my body, my emotional state, and the world around me.

So at the beginning of the year, that's what I did. I started practicing breathwork regularly, and I tried to listen to what the wind was trying to whisper (a metaphor, obviously).

What came from that was an ability to listen, to feel, and to execute not through sheer will, but by riding the momentum that appears when the forces around me seem to say that, "there should be inertia here".

For some of you, these words may resonate, and for others, you may think I've lost the plot entirely. Whichever camp you're in, you're probably right.

But I'm happy with this evolution.

I'm more comfortable than ever making decisions from a place of truth and authenticity, acting based on what feels right.

Nothing feels performative. These words are not for show; they are genuinely reflective of my lived and perceived experience.

I think the outcomes are already speaking for themselves, but time will tell - check back in a couple years. Maybe this will be forgotten as a momentary blip in my understanding of the universe.

Regardless, I feel incredibly grateful for the way this year unfolded. It has not all been easy. There has been loss, and pain, and challenge, but I feel like I was given an opportunity that is both important and rare.

I feel a real obligation to do right by the people who have to supported me thus far, and a strange sense of duty to pay back to the universe for what the universe has given me.

I am simply grateful. Thank you, 27. Looking forward to 28.

Kahlil